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  • Writer's pictureGayle Scroggs

For your valentine: Make love last with 7 science-backed strategies

Updated: Feb 14

A satisfying intimate relationship can be a huge boost to one’s well-being.  Do you know what really works to create a fulfilling long-lasting bond?  You can bring new energy to your relationship by experimenting with these evidence-based strategies. 


  1. Express gratitude.  Every day express your gratitude for who your partner is, not just what they do. Honor what they bring to the relationship.  Be explicit about the difference they make in your life--in who you are and who you are becoming.  Find a beautiful journal to express appreciation to each other at least once a week. 

  2. Practice kindness and generosity.  Do secret good deeds often for your partner without expecting notice or thanks.  Allow your spirit to be filled knowing you have this amazing power to improve someone’s day.  Be generous in listening—especially in interpreting your partner’s behavior and motives. 

  3. Savor pleasures together.  Take time to anticipate, relish, and remember the good times.   As you plan time to be together, consider how you each can bring signature strengths into play.  Allow yourself to be fully present for spontaneous fun as well as scheduled pleasures.  In reminiscing over vacation photos and sharing happy memories, mindfully open yourself  to the energy, intimacy, and fulfillment these moments bring.

  4. Develop shared meaningful goals.  Collaborate to identify goals that tap into common strengths and your complementary strengths.  Let optimism reign as these goals provide purpose and momentum to your days.  Life satisfaction comes from truly sharing the journey, regardless of the outcome.

  5. Build resilience.  Develop and nourish broader ties to support yourself and the relationship.  Develop a deep spiritual life as a couple and as individuals.  Build your strengths of hope and perseverance.  Be there when the going gets tough with strategies for centering and connecting. 

  6. Be there when the going gets good.  Remember to respond enthusiastically and constructively to the individual success, goals, plans, and dreams of your partner.  Be each other’s champion and cheerleader--and capitalize on and celebrate the wins!

  7. Be ready to forgive at a moment’s notice.  You both are only human—expect that things will go awry.  When it does, be the first to offer the gifts of forgiveness and compassion to your partner and yourself.  Remember to be and do love.  


You can also apply these strategies to other relationships, e.g., your workmates and friends, to create strong, meaningful bonds. I wish you all much love and joy.


©2024, Dr. Gayle Scroggs, P.C.C., Positive Psychology Coach

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